Sunday, September 18th, 2005
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8:22 pm - holy crap. live journal.
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Thursday, July 7th, 2005
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11:48 pm - Its been a while.
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Just so ya know, people who care, Im still alive. If you're only interested in me for sex, thats fine.
Drop dead.
current mood:  quixotic
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, November 15th, 2000
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12:14 pm - Ah, christ...
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Well, I have written a new story. I think i am happy with it. I dont know. I am much too lazy to see right now.
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I got a reply to a previous entry. I realize that wars do in fact save lives. But most wars are fought over stupid things for stupid reasons -like intolerance or pride. I really wish i had the urge to write more. But, i cant right now. Maybe im too lazy to do that as well. I dont know. I know im bored. Bah. Life sucks. There I go, talking like a moron. Maybe i shouldnt have started this. Ah. Too late.
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Thursday, November 9th, 2000
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9:59 pm - AOL? You're....you're dumping me?
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It happens every few minutes, and i am always foolish enough to call back - AOL dumps me. It is like being dumped by the "world girlfriend" and I am left feeling lonely and vulnerable. Why do I call you back? I know you won't be sweating to hear from me, and I know you won't pick up the fucking phone. Fuck you, AOL! I don't need you. I don't! All that remorselessness you put forward - you don't care. You'll do it again. I know you will. Who am I to you? It's like you could do this to anyone. Not an ounce of humanity lies in your demeanor. Not an ounce.
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I'm sorry, that was wrong. I was angry. Please, don't take it personally. I'll call you. I was just upset. I promise, I'm not really like that. I just... I'm hurt. Please don't dump me again... Please?
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Sadly, this happens all over the world. Don't call back. Don't even think about it. I know it's hard, but... Just let him go.
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(comment on this)
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1:57 am - Where does it all come from? Oh yea - the bible
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Id have to say a certain amount of close mindedness comes from reading the bible, along with the subsequent fearing of god. Where do certain people get off sticking thier fucking beliefs into the issue of abortion... I was told that it was a weak arguement to say "Its an individuals right to choose... if you dont like abortions, then YOU DONT HAVE ONE!".... Funny, i thought that was a strong point.
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Let me be as clear as possible: I have nothing against those who think abortion is wrong. Fine. Thats your belief, and i can respect that. But, a belief is closed INSIDE ONE PERSON. Its wrong to go pushing that on others. To quip again, "If you are against abortions, DONT HAVE A FUCKING ABORTION!" Why is that hard? Oh, i see. You want to save the world.
Just a note: Wars are started over not accepting each others beliefs. Right? Of course. Well, you go ahead, and have your little moralistic crusades... Save the fucking world, start a war...
Wars always save lives.
current mood: ...
current music: ...
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Tuesday, November 7th, 2000
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11:03 pm - Tired of sex?
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It seems that i am on a strange sexual high. By that i mean that i am always horney and/or whacking off. Ok, not more than usual. But, the drive! Its so strong. And this stupid thing in my head that will not allow to have sex without love is what keeps me good, albeit, sexless. Hmmm.... what to do.
Its depressing.
"look at me... jerking off in the shower... this will be the high point of my day... its all down hill from here..." - Lester Burnham
current mood: Define my mood with one word?
current music: Aimee Mann stabs my ears from memory
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, November 4th, 2000
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9:20 pm - What is going on?
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Yesterday, as I raked leaves, a cow wandered onto my lawn. Today, while I was jerking-off, he returned, and i saw him through the bathroom window. He is all black except for two white front feet that look like socks. If he returns tomorrow, i will call him "two socks."
current music: Pipes
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Thursday, October 26th, 2000
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1:26 am - Melatonin?
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So, its late. I cant say it feels too good being me right now. All the anxiety of recent months has exploded tonight. Tears fell. And still, there is a warm current of anxiousness under my skin. Maybe melatonin will keep me sleeping until late tomorrow.
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And to top it all (these things which I have not discussed), I am not sure if my latest effort of the pen has hit the mark. If this is low, maybe things will get better tomorrow.
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12:05 am - The end of the day...
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Well, American Beauty day has come and gone... and i am left feeling anxious. I can only assume this means something bad.
current mood: nothing good
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, October 25th, 2000
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3:26 pm - Oh man!
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AMERICAN BEAUTY arived in my mail today!!
HA-HA! I dont think ANYONE knows what this means!!! HA.... Heh... Woohoo!!! Fuckin A... Does anyone know what this means?? ANYONE??? Heh... oh, man... ha ha ha... No one will EVER get it... Hehe hahaha ... tee hee.. hahaha!!!
AMERICAN BEAUTY
current music: Eh... sounds like country... but, hey: AMERICAN BEAUTY!
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12:22 am - uh....sleep
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Its 12:30... i cant sleep.. I was close until my mother dirupted me to give me a pill to "help me sleep"... i didnt take it. This fucking blows. I stare at the damn box, and im tired as hell, and i know, the second i go back to bed, i will be awake. Fuck it.
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Monday, October 23rd, 2000
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9:43 pm - ha... uh... hmmm...
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Well. Writers block sux. Only shit comes out when you force it. I mean it. Shit. Just shit. And were does this state hail? Heh. I have no idea. Maybe from anxiety. I would guess thats true. Yea. I would.
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Monday, October 16th, 2000
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5:00 pm - What the fuck...
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I really have no cause for that subject. But, what the fuck. That was so gay. I appologize. Though, in reality, I am under great stress to get a job, and at the same time, write something worthwhile... to me anyway. So many ideas... Which to begin... or better yet, which to complete?
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Ho, ho, ho... Green Giant...
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UNNNN... CLAIMED... FREIGHT!
current mood: Eat Puke!
current music: The Puke Tones
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Saturday, October 14th, 2000
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11:57 pm - huh...
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Ever feel dead? I mean DEAD. Thats how i feel. Its not too good. What is right, wrong? I dont know. In fact, i wonder what i HAVE done... have i done anything? I hope not. Oh dear. Watch me ramble. Its my head.
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Boy, did she look cute. I did the good thing: watched from afar, glancing only momentarily, reminiscing the movie to which they play, and stole one more peak as i left during the 3rd song. That was my night, thus far. What a thing.
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It is near that time. That crutial juncture that decided the fate of things... that... "girl" thing that happens. Should I just lay low for the following days? Perhaps, I have already done the wrong thing by watching at all... Man. These thoughts. I need a camera. I need to write this stupid idea. And i need a troop of actors. Who has time for a job? Hah ahahha ahhaha aha ha ... eh. Hmmm... Ok. Brain done now.
current mood: ...
current music: blankness
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Thursday, October 12th, 2000
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10:01 pm - Weeks ago...
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It is time to enter something... I have begun to learn about sonnets... and write a few. The discipline in that... those guidelines... i love it. Iambic Pentameter (sp)... abab cdcd efef gg... wonderful
current music: Hmmm... Elvis Costello
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Sunday, September 24th, 2000
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8:10 pm - Madness...
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riddles of the mind, digging up the old days, the old songs of former self... ha. Away. I cast you out. It is a new day.
current mood: Hmmmm
current music: Ahhhh
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Saturday, September 23rd, 2000
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7:22 pm - What is this...
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Its an aweful thing when life alters course for a moment, even when it is planned, and you find something in the course of that alteration a certain thing that must be left behind - at least physically. The rest of it you carry with you. And it never goes away.
Life will always be a series of losses. What control do we have over this? None, i think. I should be drinking - cry it out in a drunken clarity, a tunnel of clairvoyance.
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Feelings like a balloon filling up in my chest, pushing my lungs and forcing me to forget the idea of breathing comfortably for a while. And after two days from now, these feelings will take hold and it will not be forgotten. I am in for some aweful nights, some tears, perhaps.
This is the life we are dealt. When paths cross, and then separate - the time MUST come again. Or, all is lost. No hope. No life. Its just another stretch to walk hoping for something to cross. And it always does. But, crossing is not at all like going the same way. "Going my way? I didn't think so."
current mood: Disillusioned
current music: The small dwarf in my thumb playing the tambourine...
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Wednesday, September 13th, 2000
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6:12 pm - Tooth Ache!
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I swear, if i have a fucking cavity, i will kill someone. Maybe that cute little dog I see in the hall, or that Asian gang that i always see... they're mean guys, and they're always yelling in a different language... i think it is.... Asian!
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, September 12th, 2000
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11:36 pm - THE DOWNLOAD
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Monday, September 11th, 2000
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8:55 pm - THE MOVIE POSTER IS HERE!
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It's here... and to see what i mean you will have to GO HERE
to the religious: BE FOREWARNED!
current music: Music of the Black Moses
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